#1: what do you think was the most important single event in your life up to this pint and if it had turned out differently how do you think it'd have changed the wonderful person you are now???

I am a big believer in everything happens for a reason and is meant to be. I can’t change the past so I don’t fucking worry about it. I am also a big believer in learning from experiences and I know it sounds corny but it’s true that you should never look back and say you made a mistake but understand what you learned from the whole event and what you would change in future. I have gone through some big experiences in my life such as building my own house and seeing it flooded through heavy rain and starting again, spending 3 months in a Malaysian jungle and sewing up a girls leg who inadvertently missed a tree with a machete and I carried her out of the jungle and was informed 2 weeks later that if I hadn’t she would have lost her leg due to gangrene. So even if something did turn out differently I reckon I would have just adapted.

#2: if you could change one thing and one thing only in the world of today what would it be and why????

Serious change – the human race were no longer dependant on energy that either destroyed the earth or was taken from the earth.

Non serious change – Spam Fritters were good for you…I fucking love em….


#3: They are going to make a film of your life(should be interesting work for the costume crew anyways) who do you want to play you and who will play your love interest??

Scarface, no not Al Pacino in Scarface, but the bad ass Mo Fo himself. What a character.
Gemma Atkinson/ young lulu/ baby spice/ Claire from steps – basically anybody that is pretty (not stunning), down to earth types who could turn into your best friend…

#4: random leeds question no what do you think was/is the single most enjoyable thing abut being a leeds fan - note strong hint to mention us or you die???

lol – I absolutely love/adore the fact that we are hated as a team, city, supporters etc. I love the backs to the wall mentality and enjoy it even more when we overcome adversity and win. That’s the reason why I believe this season is going to be a belter. I also love the fact that wherever I travel around this wonderful planet of ours, I always seem to bump into a Leeds fan. Not just a fan, but a supporter at that. You can always bump into a scum fan (who doesn’t even know where the M fucking 6 is)


#5: you have been asked to conjure a patronus charm (harry potter thingy) which requires that you think of the happiest you have ever been in your entire life - both real or imagined happiness count - what memory do you use?

A family holiday to Ireland when I was around 7 years old. It was a Friday evening at the start of the 6 weeks holidays and Mum and Dad said we should visit dad’s brother in Liverpool. So we all got in the car and drove to Liverpool. As we got into the centre we drove past the dockyard that contained the car ferries that took you to Dublin. I will never forget seeing the massive B&I liner. Dad asks us if we fancied a look round the boat, of course myself, brother and two sisters screamed yes!! When on the boat we bumped into my Dads brother and sister and all the cousins (around 9 of em). I couldn’t believe it. Then Dad said shall we stay on and have a holiday in Ireland and see all the relatives. It was the best surprise of my young life and I cryed. I will never know how Mum and Dad organised it and kept it from us. It then turned into the best holiday ever, long, warm fun filled evenings playing in huge fields with friends, cousins etc. Making swings out of ropes in barns and diving into soft hay. Seeing all the family really really happy with no worries. THE BEST. FACT. END OF

#6: what 3 things do you want to see thrown into room 101???

• Able bodied people who park cars in disabled spaces
• Arse licking employees who perform to about 10% of what you do but get all the credit. The same is for directors who enjoy their arse being licked and CHOOSE to ignore the fact that you out perform their arse licking friend
• Charlotte fucking Church. Pretentious, jumped up, ‘oh look at me aren’t I soooo good’


#7: you're having the same dinner party that everyone else on here seems to have had recently and are allowed 10 guests living or dead who are they and how did they win their invite to the party of the year??? even more nb what the fuck would you wear???

I wouldn’t want a normal dinner party I would like one with a slight ‘edge’ so….

• Hitler
• Schindler and his list to wind him up
• Eamon de Valera –his take on the easter rising, anglo-irish treaty, irish civil war, and his need to set up Fianna Fail.
• Michael Collins – as above but before he was murdered (obviously)
• JFK
• Ghandi – to learn from his diplomacy skills keeping this lot a bay.
• Billy Bremner – no reason required. I would just love to have a pint with the man.
• Kevin Keegan – to see how he would react to king Billy
• John Lennon
• Mark Chapman

They all won their invite by finding a golden ticket in wham bars.

#8: you have been given the gift of a time machine and may change 2 things one for your own good and one for the good of humanity what would they be??? usual explanation necessary.

Humanity – I would have shouted ‘Duck’ to JFK when passing the grassy knowle. I believe that his extended Presidency would have been the making of the States and the planet would be reaping the benefits now from his consultative approach to foreign affairs.

Me – I had a good friend die when I was 14 years old. He got hit by a motorbike doing 70 mph in a 30 zone. The pair of bikes was playing a game whereby the front bike had its lights on and the bike in slip stream did not. The bike at the back had to keep up with the bike in front. My friend was crossing the road and got hit by the 2nd bike. I heard everything and was one of the first on the scene. He died instantly and parts of him were strewn for around 70 yards. I would change this so my friend did not die and I did not have to see what I saw.

#9: Give us pieces of info relating to your goodself which you have hiterto kept from us???

I think the word is a ‘nou nou’ when you still have a comfort object from your childhood. I still have a ribbon that I play with in my hands. Weird I know, but it feels so nice!!!!

Death seems to have a funny habit of following me or just missing out on getting my mortal coil. Lol. I had to be evacuated out of a jungle in Sabah by the Malaysian air force and medical evacuated to Kuala Lumpur as I had suspect Malaria. It turned out that I did have malaria and the organisers of the expedition were giving an old fashioned bollocking as I had the symptoms and kept informing the medic but they did not get me out until the last min, where the doctor told me I had another 36 hours before ‘shaking a 7’

• I was in the twin towers 2 months before the disaster
• I was in phi phi islands 3 months before the tsunami (4000 people died on this small remote island)
• I was in London when the 7/7 bombs went off
• I was queuing to get into Tutankhamen museum in Cairo when a lady indiscriminately started shooting at the queue. 3 people were killed from the queue I was in. She then blew herself up. 10 mins later her brother was being chased around the corner and he was shot and killed by the police.
• I had a reservation booked in the actual carriage that killed 4 people on the Hatfield train that derailed. I only missed the train due to bumping into an old friend at kings cross and we went for a coffee.

At the age of 12 I was misdiagnosed with having appendicitis and was rushed into hospital. It was Easter time. About 3 hours before I was due for surgery I went to the toilet to ‘drop the kids off’ and completely filled the pan till the ‘kids’ were about 2 inch from the rim. I had constipation from eating too much chocolate!!!!! lol

Banjo string alert…..I repeat…..Banjo string alert……
When I was young and still experimenting sexually, I had the great mishap of cutting the old string. I was on an outward bound course with the Royal Mail in a place called Redruth in Cornwall. The course had around 20 or so 17 year olds. I struck lucky one evening and ended up in bed with a nice young lady. Anyway, without getting into the gory details, we did the deed. When we woke up the next day there was claret all over the sheets, and I mean all over. In my naivety and asked her if ‘Liverpool were playing at home and could the blood be hers’ She went all embarrassed and said yes, it’s a possibility. Anyway, a couple of hours after I knew it was not her, as blood was pissing out of my bell and was soaking my boxer shorts and jeans. I panicked and did not know what to do. Luckily for me it ‘scabbed’ up and the bleeding finally stopped. However, this did not take away any of the panic. That evening, not knowing what to do, I decided to be a man about it and tell the teachers that were meant to be looking after us. So that evening we were all in the local pub and I picked my time perfectly so that 2 of the ‘okay’ teachers were alone but in the toilet at the same time. I quickly followed them and stood next to them in one of the toilets that did not have individual pissers put open plan like the ones in Elland Road. I approached the subject and said I had a problem. They asked me what was wrong. I thought the best way to describe my problem was to show them. I did not tell them how and just got my todger out, pulled back the wrapper and pointed to the offending area. At exactly the same time I touched the ‘area’ blood started squirting up and I mean squirting up i.e. about 4 or 5ft in the air in short bursts. Both teachers looked away and one pucked.

Two things I want to do before I die are to swim with a Great White Shark and climb Mt Everest.

Although scared of water I have passed my scuba diving open water cert. I absolutely shit myself and kept going into panic attacks whilst in the water (not good), but I also enjoy pushing myself to see how far I can go and what I can achieve

One Sunday morning I woke up in the attic of a house on a mattress. The only thing in the attic was a childs plastic wendy house. I had ‘struck’ lucky that evening and took this young lady back to hers. She made her way up the stairs about 5 mins after I had woke up and told me to be quiet as her BOYFRIEND was downstairs. She left me upstairs and said she would come back when the coast was clear. About 30 mins had passed and nothing. However, I was absolutely dying for a piss. I looked around the attic for something that could hold an evenings session on the beer. I found nothing. I was about to burst and had to do something. I opened up the fly on my kegs and pissed a full nights beer into the wendy house!!!! I had no other option. About 10 mins after this, her old man had gone out for a paper and I scarped without telling her…..

#10: when are you geting the pints in?? only joshing seen as i am asking you the globe trotter top 10 destinations and how they came to be in the top 10???

Holidays are horses for courses and by that I mean you can have different holidays depending on the memories, the people, the laughs etc. So its difficult to say, however, my best advice would be that its better go to a shit city with great people than the best city with the worst people. (eh Col and Shorts..lol) So, my best holidays, not in any particular order are listed below…

Small village in the west coast of Ireland called Crossmolina (see above)
San Francisco
Las Vegas – for complete madness
New York
Kuala Lumpur
Phi Phi islands
Krabi
Banff – national park in the Rockies.
Orlando
World cup – Germany – 3 mates and a campervan.

jeez mate .....i never realised you'd led such a dull, boring existence!!


Great Q and A's though guys

Superb stuff mate....agree on Vegas and NY as top destinations and all....as for showing your teachers your todger... :lolanimate:

Fucking superb guys, great Q&A........GB you should get out more.. :lolanimate:

Fuck me, and you let me spend a week with you in Germany, I knew that storm in Dortmund was bad.

I feel sooooooooooo much better about my banjo string incident now.

Cracking read lads.

belting read lads!!!!

Number 5 fair old put a lump in me throat ya big soft wuss Mr Bread

You sewed up a woman's leg?????? Are you Rambo in disguise? :lolanimate:
Brilliant GB. You've certainly lived.

she drew first blood :lolanimate:

I gave her an inject so she couldnt feel the pain, my mate held the skin together, and just put the needle and cotton in....simple lol

Meat injection probably....

Good stuff mate, disagree about KL though - sh*t hole!

I did last visit in 1992 and it was brill. I can imagine a western influence has taken over.

i now fully realise how dull and boring my life has been.

GB the bloody incident is absolutely horrific and i'm quite disturbed!! Full credit for just getting it out in front of your teachers though!!!!!!!

As for the rest... you really have lived a little havent you!?

Once again great Q&A, i think this has to be my fav page on the board. Suprised you didnt mention any media activety..

I'd have to agree with my esteemed colleague, Mr Dead. I realy look forward to the next victim in this. Everyone seems to answer very honestly. Cracking questions and great answers by the two cowboys here. I presume Mr Bread didn't mention Media as he's waiting to go on This is Your Life? :lolanimate:

You know me, like to keep it low key.. :lolanimate:

If I had mentioned the media shit, you would have jumped on me (matron) so i didnt mention it and guess what....cant wait for you to jump on me ping pong pete :lolanimate:

I agree, it's the best thread on the board - makes me kind of wonder what the hell I've done in my life - nuffink!

(and from now on I'm not going within a mile of GB as I'm a bit disaster-prone myself so one of us would get it!)

Ooooeerrr.....

And right at the end the girl who had her leg sewn back on comes in, tears from all until we realise, it none other than Heather Mill Mcartney..

GB and her elope together fighting over who will get the most media exposure.

next victim has has been sent a PM