Right then old bean...here we go....

1) As you live in Oz, what are the best things about living in Oz, what are the worst things about living in Oz and what are the things you miss from home (apart from LUFC and chav slappers!)

Best
The weather, obviously. Even when it is being a bit shitty, like now, it's never really that bad.
Where I live. Mosman is the richest suburb (income per capita) in the whole of Australia. I live there. I can see the Harbour Bridge from my balcony. Nuff said.
Food. Seafood is so accessible and cheap. Thai food is everywhere and is very good. Posh restaurants come in at less than 50 quid per head, and I'm taliking very posh restaurants too for that money.
Living in Sydney. I have such a fantastic social life. I go to the Opera House to see theatre shows and comedy gigs. All the worlds finest bands come out here and I go to most of the gigs - Green Day, Oasis, Kaiser Chiefs (twice), Hard Fi (twice), The Killers, U2, Robbie Williams, Michael Buble, Kasabian, Arctic Monkeys (twice), James Blunt, Noel Gallagher sacoustic set, the list is endless. Saw Ben Elton Live and Billy Crystal too.
Public Transport is fantastic in and around the city. I pay around 7 pounds a week to get in and out of work (which is in the city). Takes me no time at all.
The beaches. Within 10 miutes of my house, I have access to some fantastic beaches. Manly is fantastic but if you want something less touristy, try Freshwater (Harbord).

Worst
I honestly cannot think of any. There is nothing here that pisses me off enough to get worked up about it.

Things I miss apart from LUFC
My brother and his little girl.
Pickled Onion Monster Munch.
A decent curry. Went for one in Brick Lane back in June when I was back and fuck me, it was like lady juice on my tongue. (but about 16,000 degrees hotter).
That's it, honestly it is.


2) One place on the planet, one rebel, one drink, one food, one item of clothing, one exercise equipment, one book, one song, one year..go

My girlfriends house in Sydney, complete with pool in the garden.
Karl.
Vodka fresh lime and soda. Will keep us hydrated, will keep us pissed, will stop us getting scurvy.
Curreh.
Moo Moo's. Probably the ultimate item of clothing ever invented.
There wil be no exercise allowed, we don't need it, we have Moo Moo's ffs.
TheDangerous Book for Boys. Linky thingy:BookThis book is seriously cool and has all the stuff in it from when you were a kid. If you don't have it, you should ask yourself why not.
Kaiser Chiefs - Oh my god.
2005. We beat the Aussies in The Ashes and if you couldn't be at the games, you may as well have been a Pommy in Australia. The atmosphere and nights I had with my Aussie mates were superb. I remember when Australia still needed 20 runs to win the second test at Edgbaston and the pub was virtually divided doown the middle. Aussies on one side, Poms on the other. The chant was "20, 20, 20, 20,19, 19, 19, 19,18, 18, 18 etc" all the way down to "2, 2, 2, 2," by the Aussies, and the England fans were chewing their fingers off. As we all know, Kaspowicz edged a Harmisson delivery and we won the closest Test in Ashes history.



3) Previous questions on this board have turned up some great and funny injuries, some not so funny. The choice is yours, tell us about an injury you have had (apart from a broken heart lol)

I haven't really had any serious ones, although I do seem to walk away from accidents with a bit of luck on my side.
I wrote my GSX 600 off into a roundabout in Holland that had a 2 foot brick wall all the way round it. I was still doing about 60mph when I hit it and I walked away without a scratch.
I was in a landrover in Kosovo and we were driving in very bad weather, there were 2 in the front and 6 in the back, it was late at night and the rain was atrocious. The 6 six of us in the back were sat on 2 benches down either side and were dozing away. I don't know what happened but we awoke to screcching tyres, the landrover left the road, went down a 15-20 foot drop, oveerturned 4 or 5 times and came to a rest on it's side. The back dorrs had been flung open and three of my mates had been thrown clear form the rover. Your adrenalin kicks in and I did all the firsty aidy stuff and clear the area stuff you're supposed to do. On e guy had smashed his shoulder ad was eventually discharged from the army. Another had broken several vertabrae and spent 8 months in rehab before being discharged from the army. There were other broken arms, collar bones, wrists etc. Guess who walked away with hardly a scratch?
In a not so lucky incident, I was in Harrogate on my way to work in Birstwith on my mountain bike. I came flying down a hill at around 35km/h and took the corner bu the road had recently been re-tarmac'd, it had been raining too and the road was all greasy. The bike sort of turned, and sort of went straight on too and I slammed sideways into a farmers stone built wall and broke my arm.


4) Justin Trouser-snake recently brought 'sexy back'. What product, thing, service etc that has died would you bring back.

Justin Trouser-snake recently brought 'sexy back'. What product, thing, service etc that has died would you bring back.
I would bring back the Empire, the whole nine yards of it. Fuck we were good in those days. I've always thought that Imperialism was the dogs bollocks. You'd all be able to emigrate to Canada, Australi, NZ etc with no drama's. And you'd probably have a tonne of servants too. What could be better than that? I'm very very proud to be English, but at the same time I am very embarrassed by how the country has let itself go. We celebrate St Patricks day more than we do St Georges day for fucks sake!!


5) Describe the happiest you have ever been and why that was

Two things really for me:
The first one is corny but it was my childhood. I spent 5 years living in Hong Kong, 3 years living in Cyprus, 6 years living in Germany and a small stint in the UK. The forces are a very good community to be growing up in as everything is provided. They have Scouts, Youth Clubs, Army cadets, Air Force Cadets etc. If you want to do something it's usually free or exceedingly cheap- tennis courts, squash courts, gym, watersports, swimming pools. Even the youth clubs and scouts etc wil get adventure training for next to nothing as the forces supply it all for free.
My pass out parade from the army was pretty special. It marked a new era in my life as I had just been coasting along until then. It also marked the end of 12 weeks of pure shit that I had to endure. And being 23 when I joined up, I wasn't this 'wet behind the ears yoof' straight out of school who didn't know any different either. Little did I know at the time but 12 more months of pure shit was to follow down at Blandford.


6) Describe the most down you have been and why that was

I had an apprenticeship with Farnell Instruments (Boroughbridge and Wetherby) when I left school. I was 2 and a half years into a 4 year apprenticeship and they laid us all off (Nigel lamont had just blown the arse out of Britain by trying to keep us int he Exchange Rate Mechanism). I spent the next 9 months unsuccessfully trying to get work. I did odd jobs for my landlord and my girlfriends boss. I even delivered Domino's Pizza's for a while, cash in hand whilst collecting my Giro. Anyway, I wasn't living at home so had rent to pay and I used to save as much of my Giro as I could so that every second Sunday I could go the pub (The ClaroBeagle) with my mates for the pub quiz. I used to be able to afford three pints over the evening and not much else. Anyway, i was on my way to the pub, and crossing the road, when I spied a nice shiny pound coinon the road. This would mean an extra pint(ish) down the pub and was a ray of sunshine in my otherwise shitty life. However, I also spied a nice shiny car coming down the road too which gave me no time to pocket the aforementioned coin, so I decided to deftly kick the coin to the side of the road in order to safely pick it up. To my horror, it dinked and bobbled it's way across the road until eventually it disappeared down the drain. That has been the lowest point of my life. Young, beautiful, dynamic, out of work, and skint.
I could have cried (but I don't do crying).


7) As a fellow Libra and far too many fucking ponsy Pisceans on this board, we are classed as 'Cool, Calm and Collected' but describe a time when you have gone fucking nuts, lost your rag and gone fucking barmy.

I don't think I've ever gone barmy to be quite honest. I go barmy sometimes with booze, as in I can go out on a Friday night and not stop till Sunday but that's about it. I think the barmiest I have ever gone though was down in the Olympic Stadium in Munich for the Champions league Qualifier against 1860 Munich. I even had to sneak into the ground as my mate had my ticket and had already gone inside. But inside, the atmosphere was fantastic. We were leeds and on the cusp of a rising wave. I never really lose my rag although I did throw a Nashi Pear across the kitchen a couple of months back, it went fucking everywhere.


8) If you could be a superhero, and not a famous one, what would you call yourself and what would be your super power.

I already am a not famous superhero, have you ever heard of me? Exactly!!!! I have this amazing ability to drink and get absolutely smashed but wake up the next day without a hangover. I don't know why, but I just never get them.


9) With the UK getting the Olympics, what would your event be in 2012 (real event or made up) and how would you train for it

Me and our kid used to play this game every single dinenr time when we were kids. We used to have sit in the dining room at the table but our folks would sit in the living room on the sofa with theirs and watch TV. Me and Karl used to play the "First person to eat a bit of everything" game. Our mum would put the dinner down and we'd be ready with the salt, vinegar, ketchup, pepper etc. I think you can guess what the object of the game was. Well we'd be Olympic Champions at that.
The alternative would be the "Sat around in your pants all weekend on the sofa, never even setting foot outside of the house all weekend ,and not even brushing your teeth" event. Done that a few times and it is most satisfactory. You need to plan ahead though and get booze in. I am a potential gold medallist in the making for that one.
With natural talent such as above, training is neither here nor there really.


10) Finally, there have been many 'sexual' type stories on this thread; so, describe your funniest/ embarrassing sexual encounter

I can't remember a funniest/embarrassing one. Obviously there have been many encounters, thousands even. I've never split my (or anyone elses for that matter) banjo. Never been caught doing anything particularly kinky or dirty. Doesn't mean I haven't done anything kinky or dirty, just never been caught. And I'm not telling you oops rude words what fires my rockets either, I'd never live it down.

And there you have it. Maybe a bit different to what you all thought but they are the honest answers to the questions.
As with all my conquests, I apologise about the length, but it should last you a while. :lolanimate:

Another good read. Good question GB and good answers Jonno.

Blimey, just noticed all the spelling mistakes lol. Can you tell I wrote this on a busy day at work? Should have taken my ball scratcher in methinks, relaxed and kicked back a little.

Read this at 7.00 this morning. Cracking stuff, so riveting I held one in the bomb-bay for 20 mins.

Well done lads.

Quality stuff lads, well done.

Yet again superlative stuff. Nice one, chaps.

quality jonno, great answers, and good questions too GB!

who's the next victim!!111

Good stuff Jonno. Do you have 9 lives?

as per usual a very good, well done lads

Cool.

Replays show Kaspowicz never edged it though, his hand wasn't on the bat. :lol:

Absolute quality guys........


Love this thread, two of the what i would describe proper lads of the board, who have a reet good laff at out, the Q/A shows all us jokers have a deeper side...


Oh and GB, less of the poncy Piscean bollox or you mild mannered librarians might get a little slap..... Get him Rich..

Jonno, good to see that you travel the world yet only ever injure yourself in Yorkshire, bet that was a very proud day for you....

YRA....

Oi, Piscean nancy boys, any time you want to take on the Tough-as-Teak Librans, come an ave a go......

Not any more Wicky. :lolanimate:

It was the day Yeboah scored THAT goal against Liverpool too. Had to give my match ticket to a mate :(

And you didn't go ....... non fanatic ponce :lolanimate:

Well that explains the shiney head then!

Good Q&A's boys as has been said before one of the best threads on the board.

Jonno - the instructions with the Gentlemans Ball-scratcher clearly state it's for roughing up Cricket Balls!!!

(shit, just found the instructions down the back of the sofa!)

Did you ever find out who sent that mate, us both being from York and being a YO post code makes it a little suspicious? I cant recall if it were me or not, dont think i gave any clues away with mine.

Yeah, it was Kev's "I'm itching to know what it is? " comment in the Secret Santa thread when I hadn't even said what it was.
That wit will kill him one day lol.

Or get him a smack in the chops....

And a stamp on the back!!!!!!!!

I will get back to this in the New Year and give good thought to who the next victim should be.

8th January - Get on with it, you slacker!!!!!!!!

Thats spooky, I have just spun the wheel of fortune and selected our next victim. PM has been sent....................

Good girl......

I hope she hasn't already been asked!!!