thank god he didn't ask about the size of my hampton ... as i'd have to change what I put for Q5 .
1). Pick one time in your life, coupled with all the usual: place on the planet, one friend, one drink, one food, one item of clothing, one exercise equipment, one book, one song.Coast near to Cascais in Portugal, Mrs Boots (and Ze Boots twins), bottle of chateau duhart milon rothschild 1976, Cadbury’s crème egg or walkers salt and vinegar crisps, right hand, Dune by Frank Herbert, Marching on Together rebels Re-mix … J
2). What is the best thing about living in Switzerland. What is the worst thing about living in Switzerland. What do you miss from the UK and what from the UK do you hope to never have to experience ever again?Best thing about Switzerland is the safety .. It’s very safe and feels like it too … you can leave your bike unlocked front door open etc etc and they have a basic respect for others which in reality means you don’t bother me and I won’t bother you … unless and this is where it changes you break a rule … Red Lights Flashing Curtains Twitching … break a rule in Switzerland .. How very dare you … J it’s almost as bad
as that ….. Example is if you even slightly break the speed limit by 1kmph … you get stared at the sort of staring that would end up with a slap in loverly Engerlund … I however can rise above it and have never been known to shout wanker out of an open car window whilst raising a digit in a friendly way of course. Nope note me.
Do I miss anything from the UK … maybe food … well London restaurants to be honest not so much the dross you get up north. Even with France so close Swiss food is meat and two veg gone wrong. Plenty of it but with the flavour cleverly extracted. Makes Little Chef taste good.
So in summary when I leave what will I not miss … answer “the swiss” sorry hop swiss !!
3). It's now your turn to tell the board about an injury you have had or been part of. It must either be gory or embarrassing or both.Once got my tits caught in a mangle … errr no that wasn’t me that was a film sorry got confused. Best I can remember was falling of a high wall when I was a kid into a nettle bush .. doesn’t sound to bad but it’s an example of kids and war wounds. My arse went green pretty much all of it from the nettles and bruising .. Nearly got kicked out of school for showing the lovely green orbs to the girls …. Ironically the school I went to was called Greenbottom school Guiseley … J
4). You have been given the gift of a time machine and may change 2 things in history, one for your own good and one for the good of humanity. You can also go forward in time and cement 2 things in the future that will also eventually become part of history. What would these changes be?For the good of humanity is an interesting one likely to go back to 600BC to Greece and shoot the bloke who invented electricity .. The more advanced we get the more we pollute the planet and kill each other …… I’d be doing us a favour however there would be a price to pay no play stations and we’d all be wearing fur ……. or I’d out Jesus as the Alien advance guard he probably was. Getting rid of religion would be pretty good … oh dear … out of the frying pan into the fire … www.scientology.org … nature doesn’t like a vacuum so likely Tom Cruise or Richard Gere would end up in charge J
For me I’d likely have left the company I was working for before the move to Switzerland. I was there too long and probably needed to move earlier to get my life in order. Work is important but not more so than family, friends and pornography.
Or
I’d nick the 2007 bumper book of horse racing results .. Obvious but how useful !! Pick a few winners then buy up Soho in the early 1900’s. Easy !!
The future .. With Ze Kleine Boots on the way I’d like to make sure that they had a good chance for a good life. Set them up financially but not enough that they could become lazy tossers …. We all need goals as long as they have good character that’s a good job done …..
5). What is the biggest lie you have ever told, did it work and what were the consequences of this lie?Don’t do lie’s however have been known to let people think A when it is actually B. In 1989 I did that when the bloke interviewing me thought I had the equivalent of a degree … errr not exactly …. If he hadn’t I would probably never have met Mrs Boots and would be slumming it somewhere else …. Thanks Keith R.I.P. thanks for Mrs Boots and the Booties to come.
6). If you had to pick a joke as your favourite joke of all time, what would it be? More a visual sort of bloke I like Calvin and Hobbes the cartoons … saw one in Mexico once that I nearly laughed myself to death over. Will try and post it here if I can work out the technology. For the uninitiated
http://www.calvin-and-hobbes.org/ 7). Give us 5 random facts about yourself that no-one (or not many people would know)- I am from Wankershire not Yarkshire … born in Blackpool in fact.
- I have a red t-shirt that I do not wear
- I have visited every continent except Oceania / Australia because Jonno is there and he scares me.
- The first Leeds game I went to was Universita Craiova at ER .. It was cold and they scored from the half way line if I remember correctly.
- I met Robert Redford once … just once … he didn’t fancy a second date.
8). You appear on Ready Steady Cook. What famous chef, and what 5 ingredients would you have in the bag in the hope that they turn it into something delicious? As you are infinitely worldy wise, and very upper class, there is no price limit on the ingredients.Gordon Ramsey I missed working with him at the Box tree in Ilkley many years ago by a few days
http://www.theboxtree.co.uk/ the woman who owned it was a right character an ex Greek Royal courier no less 25st and every pound had a scowl on it. J
Food stuff’s well that’s easy as I like it Asian … fillet de boeuf, spring onion, black bean sauce, rice and green peppers with a bottle of bottle of Chateau Duhart Milon Rothschild 1976 .. I’d be happy as Larry whoever the feck he is.
9). 5 celebs, 5 statements you can make at them with no retribution. Who would you pick and what would you say to them?Peter Ridsdale : **** .. You gambled and we lost
David Bowie : best film ever Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence
Frank Herbert : you are with the worms now
Uma Thurman : get your coat you’ve pulled
Dr Olaf Lapaire : thanks mate (bit of latitude on this one)
10). You are about to become a dad. How has your life, and your character changed in the last 7 months, and how do you think the next year is going to pan out?I don’t know to be honest I’ve realised that pregnancy is in my mind for the ladezees … I’ll come back to this one when the lads arrive to tell you how I have changed.
As far as the next year is concerned it’s in the lap of the little ankle biters. I hope that they are well and become happy …. In 12 months we will start to have 2 little people in the house with characters and Nic and I will have to adjust our life to being 4 … plus junior, Shorts little feathered friend J
11) I know there's only suppose to be 10 but will you ever open that hotel in Leeds with the communal dining? Yep on the hit list.
Need to get our life in line here.
I’ve found a chef though which was the big stepping stone.
Might not be Leeds though. I’ve realised I’m a green fields man now.