Yo, yo yo, me name is Jermaine Beckford but yous all can call me Bruv, innit.

One of da Rebs got in touch wiv me an told me dat yous all wud luv to hear wot I's got to say, innit. So, over da season I is gunna share wiv ya'll my forts on how da season is going.

At the moment I is well on 'oliday. Us footballers don't get a lot of chance to get away innit, so dis ickle trip to an Island is well weapon. Dey all talk funny over ere tho, an they is all wearin' green wiv red hair! So far we've played one team called Gorl Way… I fink they are Swedish or summat, wicked. I scored three goals but the naaaaasty man in da black told me one wos not allowed. Not 'appy, someone told me it wud 'ave bin a hat trick and I like hats, they is well cool. It is a bit cold over 'ere so I 'ave bin wearin' an extra shirt which is made of lycra which is well strechy innit, feels like when you wear ladies tights innit, Trevor O'Kandol told me that anyway.

It's like I always say, yer know… wot shirt am I wearin' Bruv?

See yous later, innit

JB x

I saw you picking up a takeaway curry the Sunday before last.

To prove you are JB, can you tell me which establishment this was?

Quality.

Look forward to hearing more from you 'Jermaine'

Its nice to see the players taking the fans seriously for a change.

Welcome to the forum Jermaine, I am an admire of your prose.

Hi JB, hope they don't find out on WACCOE, they will be so jealous.

Hi JB, in the absence of Musta....



now FUCK OFF..

Brilliant!!!!!

we always know over on waccoe

Oi, Strachans Toenails - didnt you know he never had any, or is that your point?

Eeeezy Boyzz, it's me, Jer-Main-Man Beckford, wicked innit.

As yous lot will probably be well aware we is done on our 'olidays now and we is gunna be well back in Leedz soon. Shabba! The lads 'ave bin playin sum spankin' footie over 'ere on de Hemaroid Isle (Macca sed that 2 me the uvver day, no clue wot he means like, schweet!)

Anys ways, I ain't bin playin' the last couple of games cos I has been well not fit. Well, I am fit, everyone can see that, well fit innit! But I've bin sittin' on the sidelines for the last few friendlies. Yous gots to giv the less priv'liged a go every now an' then ors they will get well unhappy. It's all gud tho, I's been well able to concentrate on my moody poses for when the Sky peeple comes to video me for the telly. I've also bin workin' on anuvver catchphrase for when they talk to us after da game innit. I wanna get anuvver slogan, you see. I woz finkin' wot about:

"What levva jacket am I wearing Cuz?"

That way I could get me own line of JB clothin' going. I'm the Brittish eqivvalunt of Puffy Daddy but only with a better name innit!

Yeah man, that's da truth!

Anyways, I has got to go as that guy wiv der long hair who finks he is Gods gift to football or summat want to use da 'puter innit.

Takes care peeps, you is all well wicked, shabba!

JB x

:rollingaboutlaffing: :rollingaboutlaffing: :rollingaboutlaffing:

It's me innit, Jermaine Beckford, but you's lot can call me da bomb, nuff repeck!

I is well peed off about da Darlo game, it was so not fair that I didn't score. Everyone knows I is the best footballer in the whole of da Leeds Neopolitan area and I shud be bangin' dem goals in, but it just didn't happen. I blame 50 Pence (dat's the name we giv to Kandol, cos wen he heds da ball it cud go anyway innit, it's well funny man!)

As if not getting a gaol wasn't enuff, I also had a bit of a barney wiv one of da uvver players. All I did was ask 'im if I cud call his mutha cos she is well fit innit, but he got in a big huff and started to cry innit. Wot a big baby!

You all must know dat we is well favourites to go up as Champions dis year. Macca says that we should do okay as we'll got fifteen more points on our license or summat, but I don't even drive man, so I don't know wat he is goin' on about, psyche!

Anyways, da deal wiv da new shirt sponsor is done man, big fanks goes out to NETFUCKS.com. We is all well happy that it is wiv a porno website, we will well get some action in the baffs after da games now. SWEETS AS!

See yous lot later, proper bo innit!

JB x

Tis me again, Mr Moody Boots Beckford, the saviour of Leeds United innit. Bo!

Stirke a pose, huh!

Yo, I've well bin reading wiv interest da backpages of de noozepapers recently an' it's struck me dat loads of players 'ave bin well lucky enough 2 get a transfer 2 da team they supported as a boy, innit. Robbie 'bollix' Keane, it seems has always been a Liverpool fan (not unlike a certain Rebel thong wearer, or so I is told). David 'twat' Bentley has also bin a lifelong fan of Tottenspuds and Adebayo loves da smell of cold hard cash at Arse-ole.

Well, as a serious devotee of Harrow 'n' Wealdstone's under 11s I too is well hopin' dat one day I'll get my dream move back 2 da team I followed through rain and shine as a mini 4 year old Beckford. If I 'ave to go 2 Liverpool, Real Madrid and AC Milan to get there, then so be it - I've bin a fan of dem too for like my whol life too, innit.

I fink Trevor O'Kandol has always bin a fan of da "Chorley Under Nineteen Team" and he prides himself on living the life of a true Chorley fan everyday.

Love ya all and sees you all at Soops well rude word innithorpe next week

JB x

JB are you willing to answer members questions.

Why has this been pinned? Its shit. I have had better ingrowing toe nails.

post some pics & let us decide then

He bit them off......

Huh huh uh huh, he said 'member' huh huh huh...

Yo yoy yo Mr D'su Hadminostrator type fella. I fink dat is a crackin idea innit. If yous Rebels people wanna ask da J-Man some stuff about wot me an da boyz av been doing then bring it on!!!

As you've probli bin reading we as signed me a new scoring partner, da Argie bhaji Luciano Becchio. Eez looked a bit tasty in trainin so far and da gaffer sayz ee will keep me and da other scorers on our toes? Iz he some sort of ballet dancing teecher or summink? Let me tell you, da J-Man don't need showin any fancy dance moves coz iz eezy best dancer at da club already as well as best scorer innit!!
Me iz thinkin dat one of da other scorers will be leavin and all da reat of da lads is pointin at Tres O'Kandol. Ee rekons iz hagent as been talkin to Millwall so da Irish fella might be eadin back darn sarf innit. Good coz eez shit but don't tell no-one I sed dat!!

OK Rebels I better get meself off to trainin now and show da new boy some of me scorin moves, fo-shizzle.

Peace out

JB x

Wot iz dis boyz n girlz? I just been bustin me gut, poutin and posin in training at Thorp Arch an no-ne az axed me nuffink in my abstinence!!!
Come on Rebels, Iz ready for yous.

JB x

So, Jermaine, as you know we are sponsoring you as OUR player this coming season...what do you think our strapline should be to get people to sign up to our message board rather than any others, and find out more about you too?

Hi jermaine mate. Ok then, why are you such a lazy twat most of the time?

how come weve let the better half of the duo go to millwall?

J man, has u eva bin Curious like?

that has made me pmsl..........you typed that just like you say it......can't get the image out me mind now!!!

Hmm Iz feelin a bit of mixed lovin from the questions above Rebels. But it’s yous money wot sponsas me and yous entitle to say wot ya fink.

Dee – Well Iz been readin da thread about the strapon and most of it is total shit, innit. You iz needin summink like www.606reels.com. We sponsa da J-Man, log on and chat, man. Boom!!!!!

Fitz – Look Bro, all frew da season I was playin with different other scorers, Tres O’Kandol, Tore Longboy Flo, dem loaneez Defries n Thingy, Leo Constantly, him wiv da big head wots gone to Crew and then Doogie Freemason so it was kinda difficult and I let me head go darn a bit. Anyways me agent says I look good when Iz scowlin and could even get work in da moveys later like da Leeds n Wales leg end Vinnie Jones Boyo.
Don’t forget Iz banged in 20 goals as well Bro
And Iz also spent some time in da Rebels hangout Da Scabby Caps lookin for a lost wallet. Rispeck

Onloan - Iz gessin yous beein tung in cheek and meenin Tres coz I ain’t off to the Den O’Lions. Wot shirt am I wearing Bruv? Support da boys wot is wearing da shirt Bro.

Kenwivdadeaddog – Iz curious abart a lot of fings Bro. Like how can Tres call imself a footballer, can anyone understand wot Steve Stornton iz sayin and wot does Cuppy really look like?

Keep ‘em comin Rebels. Peace out

JB x

Mr Beckford. Are you Cockney white in disguise?

jermaine, what drink did you buy me in the living room bar after the players/sponsors evening?

Err J-Man, footballers are usually labelled as being a bit thick so can you prove that theory wrong?

Score a goal, lift your shirt up and have my name written on your chest and you just might :lolanimate:

I have a question, what does it mean to YOU to have us rebels sponsoring you?

So, I has finally got me hat for Leeeeedz, innit.

Wot a great game by me, eh? I was well on fire, well, not litrally like, but yous all knows wot I am meanin' right? Man, Chester suck, now I knows wot yous supporterz is always on about innit. They were so baaaad dey even had a Butler playin' for 'em, not that yous can really call dat playin' aiiight!

Gotta mention Snotgrass and Rob Insun, I fort dey wos a bit greedy by not passin' da ball to me for me t get two hats but I suppose dey played well too. Iz is jus me or has dat Snotgrass got birdshit on is 'ead?

Well, we is playing Old Ham on Saturday and I am plannin on gettin' a few more goals so make sure you is there to watch, right?

Peace an luv to me bruv'z and sistas of Rebel-land innit.

JB x

well played jermaine, still cant get over his third goal

brilliant goal.....

tho if he tries to do that when we're 0-0 with oldham on saturday i'll be a little less pleased.

becchio was in acres when he belted that one in.....damn good job he scored.

unless it goes in

if that shot goes in one out of fifty times its unusual.

if beckford looks up and passes to becchio it (should) go in 40 times out of fifty. its not rocket science.

granted jermaine took his goal very very well and to seal your first hattrick with something like that is awesome.

however, we were 4-1 up at the time playing against pish poor opposition. like i said when we're 0-0 in the 85th minute on saturday i'd much rather see him square the ball to becchio rather that trying that.

for fear of quoting hansen, its all about the percentages - something which jermaine hasn't quite got the grasp of yet....

Well done Becks. Rispeck!!!!

Yo hittin on me Bruv?

Rich is a piscean male, they are very strict you know bruv.

We is not batty boys, me doz not meen dat x player either.

No mate, I take my coffee strong and black but nowt else.

Yo don't fool the J Man Bruv, I tipped your mitt innit. I don't wanna tiger milk yo ass, we flip it private in PM x

I mayz be late on Satday, I as the shitz innit! The J Man ain't gunna do a batty boy out there, I as a rep to protect, tho I is partial to those big momma cycles.

Peace an love Rebs

JB x