Hi,

We have been here a month, and so far all is going well :-)

I get the impression that the main reason people chose to go back to the UK is because they miss family and close friends.

I can understand why this is, as no matter how great life in Adelaide is, you cannot avoid the fact that family or so far away.

Just out of interest, any of you reading this who were pulled back for this reason, were you relieved to be back "home" or over time did you regret having gone back?

Sally

Hi Sally,

I will not go in to detail for fear of boring you all, but all I can say is dont come back because of family. We were sort of blackmailed to come back on false promises of close family seeing more of our children.

Although it has got a little better, its nowhere near enough.

If anyone does return, do it because you miss them and not because they miss you if that makes any sense. And even then only if its the only thing you think about all the time 24/7.

Their life does go on with or without you so dont be fooled in to thinking that they have put their life on hold for you.

Do we regret coming back. Yes and No. No clear answer yet to be honest. Some days I am content and other days Australia is the only thing we think about.

:rolleyes: XxXxX :)

Boomerang, does this mean your going back to OZ?

Good luck in whatever you do.

DEBBIE :D

Hello Duckers

My family and I migrated to Oz in April 2004.

We lived in Lyndoch in the Barossa Valley, we chose this area because my aunt and uncle live there and also because it is totally different to where we had come from in the Black Country, West Midlands.

We left in November 2004 purely for the reasons that you stated.
My eldest son wasn't settling too well in the local school and was desparate to return, however, saying that by the time we actually left to come home I think that we were finally turning the corner.

However, we returned and we landed back in Blighty with no money and I mean no money but of course, we had family support.

My son was very lucky to go back into the class he left behind and my husband now has the best job he has ever had.

HOWEVER, we are completely confused because there wasn't that sudden rush of relief when we landed, quite the opposite actually, we landed at 4.30 pm on a Friday afternoon at Manchester and the motorway, which we could see clearly on our descent was gridlocked and was the first welcome sign we received!!!!!

There is still that daily constant pull to return because nothing has changed. We weren't expecting them to have changed and you do look at things slightly different because you have been away and you appreciate some things that you purely took for granted before.

But we are still between a rock and a hard place because we now feel do we return and give it a second shot or stick with it here due to the husband's job.

With respect to friends, alot of them have moved on and we find that we don't really feature anymore. We hit the ground running at Manchester at that hasn't stopped and strangely enough that was one of the reasons for going to get away from the rat race we live in here today.

I apologise for the long thread but it is a situation that applys to us directly at the moment.

Do you think we should return? another opinion would be greatly appreciated as we talk about it every single day. :help:

Sorry, I am not intending to hijack your thread.

But in answer to your question for us personally, we were in limbo whilst we were applying for the visa and now we have come back we are still in limbo because we don't know whether we are going to return.

I have learnt that the first 12 months or so are the hardest.

Stick with it, my family migrated over to Oz 30+ years ago and have a wonderful life.

Michelle :rolleyes:

Hi Michelle,,i really feel for you,,do you think you returned then to soon before you give it your best shot?

If you & your hubby want to return and the kids also, then go for it.

DEBBIE :D

have to admit, i often think of returning to the uk, but the more i compare australia to the uk, the less appealing the uk seems.
i can easy envisage returning then wanting to come back to australia.

Hi debbie,

Lets just say that the pull that got us out there in the first place has not left us at all.

Never say Never!!

One or two years down the line and we might just be back living the dream, but this time a little bit wiser.

Thankyou for your good luck wishes.

XxXxX

Hello Debbie

Thank you for your reply.

We definitely didn't give it our best shot.

My eldest son was 6 turned 7 at the time and my youngest was 3 turned 4 just before we returned.

My eldest son is very quiet and my youngest is the total opposite. I did the kindy scene and play gym with my youngest and everybody we met, were all really nice and friendly. But as soon as we made the decision to return I cocooned myself in the house and went in to a kind of depression I suppose.

My eldest son was slowly getting used to the school he was in but we went through a period of time (which seemed like an eternity) when he would be crying before going to school and crying when he came back. Hasten to add this just fuelled my misery and was more determined to come home.

However, looking back I could have done so much more. I felt I wasn't emotionally strong enough and instead of trying different avenues with my eldest, I just crumbled and gave in.

I really think that should we return they would be both at the same school together and my youngest who just bursts with confidence and it is a quality I hope he never loses, would pull my eldest through. If that makes sense!

Another thing that I think most parents should think about is the year that their child is put into. Like many other threads I have read my eldest who was only 6 when we went was put into a class with 10 year olds because of his academic ability. This was a HUGE mistake because he suffered socially. They were all physically a lot larger than him and more "rough and tumble" if you like and I think he felt intimidated by this.

Also, they all referred to him as Harry Potter and he said that whenever he spoke they all stared at him. I reassured him that it was purely his accent and their interest in him was the reason and that eventually he would become the norm but I think it was more difficult for him because of his personality.

Hasten to add, he is the only one who doesn't want to go back. My youngest is desparate to go back as he was thriving there. So we're back between that rock again!!!!!!!

I suppose there is no easy answer :(

Michelle :rolleyes:

We were in Adelaide for 7 months before we returned to the UK.

I would say our main reason for returning was we moved to Australia "for something better" and we didn't feel that (apart from the sunshine) it was.

This is only our opinion and experiences as we saw them. Maybe going with older children (17 & 20) made a difference, oldest lad had been in Sheffield Uni living a fantastic student lifestlyle away from home etc etc, and Flinders just didnt compare. Younger one just got on with it, but thought life at home was better.

For me and hubbie it wasnt a family thing, we see no more or less of them now we are back, one of the biggest pulls back was the big difference in our social life. We had a fantastic social life in the UK built around the Northern Soul scene, we go to a lot of different venues in a lot of different places both locally and nationally. Although Oz has a thriving scene run by expats in various locations...it just don't compare. We tried it...it wasn't good enough (sad but true) and other activities that Adelaide had to offer didn't compensate for something that has been a big part of our lives since our teens.

Some things about Adelaide we just didnt like at all, and for us we thought it was boring (sorry)

We are really glad we came it got the whole should we? shouldn't we? bug out of our system, but we are equally glad we came back. We talk about being there often and all agree coming back was the right thing to do. At the moment none of us have an inkling to return, and it's pouring down as I write this and I dont care.....

As the song goes.....I dont know, what changes time may bring, but right now todays the important thing, I only have one life to live and I must live it........... :dance: :dance:

I do still pop on here though to nose what the lovely people we met are up too.....

What a great thread. We've decided that when we get there we'll wait 2 years before even considering coming back for a visit (unless something happens to a family member or something). I think we need that 2 years to really give it a go because early problems may iron themselves out by then. Interesting to see that some of the posts do say that the corner was turning by the time they arranged to come back. When I feel homesick I think I'll just think of the overcrowding, gridlock and filth that we have around here....

Louise :chuckle:

dont give yourself any time, just live it see how you get on, many people say 2 yrs and never make it. good and bad days will come. and those things you hated in the uk will not seem anywhere near a bad when you have a bad day here,

Suppose its a `suck it and see` thing

were going to try and go for it 100% ,its gonna be tough make no mistake, as my daughters are 10 and the oldest near 16yrs so have got my work cut out 4 me ;)

But we will do our best

DEBBIE :D

Debbie,

Good luck and hope it all works out for you.

All I will say is Homesickness is awful so dont under estimate it. Its very real and will beat you if you let it. Keep focused on why you are there.

One other thing aswell, which is very important, take each day as it comes, dont go saying its only 2 years........2 Years seems a hell of a long way away when you are there and the UK will seem a million miles away.

Good luck to everyone who is on there way.

XxXxX

Thanks boomerang,,I am a very positive person anyways and get on well with anyone (mostly) its not me I`m worried about its my husband and kids , hubby is very rooted to his home town but willing to go for it,,oldest child got a very good gang of friends who she`l miss loads,, its me and the youngest who dont bother about it all!!

Ive been told that my positivety will keep them all going. lets hope so, and were going to try and not compare everything to the UK :D

DEBBIE :D

Don't go back just for the family you left behind.

At the moment we are struggling with emotional blackmail from Steves family.

His sister cries all the time on the phone or MSN, this week on the phone she told Steve we had proved our point and could come back now.

I was told by his mum it was my fault their only son and 3 grandaughters we being taken away from them and on the phone this week, she told me she'd been having councelling (sorry spelt wrong) and it was still ongoing. You have no idea she said of the trauma and effect this has had on us.

Well HELLO, am I not the one who's left my life and everything in it to go round the world for something different, at least we had the balls to do it and try. In 5 years time they will still be paying their huge mortgages, steves mum will still be moaning about how they can't live on their pension, will their lives have changed?
I think not. This time next year the possibilities in Australia are endless, we may not be in Adelaide, we may try Brisbane or somewhere else.

Basically what I'm trying t say is - live your own life, thats what got you here in the first place.

Jo

Hi Jo

I really feel for you, all of you in fact. I have a very difficult relationship with my parents. I adore my Mother, but my father is a different matter. ( I wont go in to details). Suffice to say my ******* father ruined our last Christmas in Europe. We were all skiing in France at Xmas an they left after 2 nights and returned to UK. I havent spoken a word to him since and I doubt I ever will again. Whilst I feel guilty leaving my Mum, I cannot live my life for her. She is outwardly supportive of of us going, but I know inside she is heartbroken and devestated. ( I try so hard not to think about that, but it is getting harder and harder as we get closer to departure.) I want to take her with me, but wil have to wait at least 4 years until we get PR. She did have a valid point..she could be dead next year, and if we stayed for her, it would all have been in vain. Blunt, but true. I now know how hard it was for her to leave her widowed mother, who was in her early 80's, with no family surviving except Mum, when we moved to the States in 1981. At least Mum has her husband, my brother, his wife and their son, and loads of friends in the village. (God this sounds like I am trying to justify myself...makes me feel better typing it all out though!)

Lucy
x

Lucy & Jo

Your posts have done me so much good. Really my only choker is my Mum who is 68 this year and an arthritic widow. BUT, she has my 3 brothers, a great social life (which means we can't always see her when we want to) and a fantastic support system. She is outwardly supportive of us going but loves our girls to bits and did make one comment about it being so far... My brothers are great though, they have talked her into getting a decent computer and webcam and teaching her just the bits she needs to know to keep in touch. We're going to emphasise the fact that it may be a long way but when she gets there she can stay for a LONG visit - she'd have plenty to do, her brother and cousin also live in Adelaide. I realised a long time ago that you can't live your lives for anyone else, to be totally blunt she may die a couple of years after we leave but by then our girls will not be at such a good age to move and hubby will be stuck in a rut with a new job (he got made redundant with a great payout and is currently temping til we go) OR she could live to a great old age and we'd always wonder what if....

We just have to live our lives for our own family group and we are so excited about the prospect...

Louise

Well, sadly I've been through the emotional blackmail thing too.
Never EVER give in to it, talk is cheap and the promises are empty.
It will cost you dearly, both emotionally & financially.

In our case, we thought we were making the right decision (blowing our chance of PR in the process) but knew almost as soon as we got back we had made the wrong one. It took us 2 and a half years to get back, and when they changed the points system we thought we were done for. It was a huge learning curve, perhaps necessary to see some people for who they really are, but mostly I felt we'd thrown away everything for nothing.

Desiree

Wow !!

Thanks for all your replies guys, it makes very interesting reading.

It strikes me that when anyone decides to make such a massive move and emigrate over here it is like opening "Pandora's Box" - once you have done it, it is a case of do you stay? do you return? if you return do you come back? - but there is no right or wrong answer, it is a personal decision having weighed up absolutely everything.

Whatever the outcome for everyone I think we all deserve to pat ourselves on the back - it is a brave and challenging step to take in the first place - and none of us will reach old age and say life has been boring.

Thanks again,

Sally