Hi
Hoping someone can give some advice as we feel we are banging our heads against a brick wall with Kindy staff!!
Our son is 4 and attends Kindy - the kids are split into groups for their activities - the idea being that kids in 'Group A' can't meet kids in 'Group B' (well except for when they have a drink/go to the toilet/get their hat, etc). - ie quite often for short periods of time
For the past five weeks we've had an issue with one particular boy hitting/kicking him etc twice a week. You should see the bruises. The staff will do nothing unless he tells them on the day concerned. (our son is 4 and scared and won't tell - believe me we're working on this).
They won't tell the other kid off if the events happened the previous day as this is against their policy as "they don't want to upset the other boy first thing in the morning"- yes that's true - never mind the fact that our son is being violently attacked in these changeovers.
We would move him to another Kindy but he has made some fantastic friends there and we will probably be moving house within the next six months so don't want to disrupt our son more than we can avoid.
Any advice anyone can give would be fantastic as yet again we have had our son in tears as he's been hurt. Also any way of officially complaining would be great as the director is clearly unwilling to do anything!
Thanks

is it a DECS kindy?

Do you know who the 'bully' is ? can't you have a word with his parents ?

Hi
Thanks both of you - it's a standard Kindy so presumably DECS???
We do know who the kid is but having seen his parents and his behaviour towards them (I've seen him kick his mum several times on the way out of Kindy because he can't do whatever he wants to I don't think I'd get anywhere unfortunately)
Really frustrated as this kid is bullying our son and getting away with it - we keep telling our son to tell on him but he's too scared to! He's definitely bullying him as on every occasion the two of them are in the Kindy together our son gets hit/kicked/scratched/etc. If it wasn't for the good friends he's made (who are also scared of the bully in question) we'd be moving him. It's just too many moves in his first year of schooling as we are probably going to be moving house in the next six months. Can't believe he's 4 years old and this is happening to him - the kids don't mix at all except at the changeover time thank goodness.
Thanks again

Won't the staff keep a " discreet " eye out for your son at these change over times ???
We had these problems a while ago. Hope you handle it better than i did. ;)

Thanks R & 3
Unfortunately no they won't as "our son has to tell what is happening". We do agree he's got to learn to tell and believe me we are blue in the face as the saying goes telling him this!!!!
Next week will be week six of the same problem and every time this kid is there he is hurt - if it wasn't for the fact we'll be moving him before he starts school and for the great friends he has (and the fact that as the other kid only crosses over with our son a couple of times for a couple of minutes so therefore the Kindy staff should be able to sort this out!!!) he wouldn't be going there anymore.
Just wish they'd learn to actually do their jobs and make a safe environment as leaving our son there on certain days of the week with the knowledge that he is probably going to be hurt is getting too hard on us.
Thanks again

find your district office and give them a ring........

http://www.decs.sa.gov.au/portal/aboutdept...districtoffices

ask their advice........

Thanks for that link.
Fully intend to ask advice from them - if we had another child hell would freeze over before we sent them to that Kindy also. Huge dilemma as the staff should be able to deal with it as it's only minutes the two kids meet up. Why they can't just watch them then baffles us!
Thanks again

Wishing you good luck. I would definately talk to DECs.

When you have spoken to them, make an appointment with the Principle/Manager/Head. Take in photographs of your child's injuries. Tell the head that you have spoken to DECS and they have advised you XYZ. Tell them that if they say it is not bullying, then it must be a health and safety issue that your child has been hurt. Ask them why his injuries have not been treated. (I don't know the Aussie law) but in the UK all injuries should be recorded. Were they recorded? If not why not? At this point the head will admit the bullying just to stop you claiming their premises are unsuitable. Then you ask for this bully to be supervised at all times during the change over.

I would also advise you start a campaign of knowledge and support amongst the parents. I bet this nasty child has bullied others. Ask the other parents if their child has been affected. If you can persuade them all to complain, I bet things will change fast.

give him a sly kick on the way out

Deborah

Could you perhaps change his sessions so that they don't meet? Situations like this are very stressfull, sometimes the best thing is just to take yourself & child out of the situation and try to avoid further problems. Might seem a little unjust as your son is the victim but if it puts an end to it it will be best for him.

Do you know in advance of the changeover times when the problems occur - could you be present at that time to watch over him yourself? A bit drastic I know but you could then take him to the staff to 'tell' on the other child straight away.

I feel for you here, having shy kids myself who would rather get themselves into trouble by not talking to the teacher, than by going up to them to explain a difficulty. And they're teenagers...

The staff are in effect bullying your son into telling, ie putting pressure on him to do something that he is not comfortable doing!

Hi,

I can totally sympathise with you over this as we have the same dilema ourselves. My son has just turned 7 and yesterday I got a phone call from his principal saying he had been stabbed in the ear with a pencil by another boy in his class. This other boy was suspended but not until monday because of family circumstances, allowing him to still participate in school concert and go on schoool trip today. (some punishment!). Anyway like you I would love to move my son to another school, but as we will be moving again in the next year I dont wont to unsettle him again. I think if I was you I would talk to other parents and let them know that you will be taking your complaint further if it doesnt stop. Good luck with everything, Hope it works out well for you

Wendy

Start keeping a diary of what your son tells you. Keep taking it in to the director - prefably you and an independent witness. Ask for the meeting to be recorded and minuted - ask the school for a copy of their bullying policy and proceedures.Ask for a written explanation of what's being done to help your son.If all this fails - get in touch with DECS .
Nick

Hi...I really feel for you, I've had problems in the past with my boys getting bullied at different stages of their lives. Personally if talking to those responsible hasn't helped I would take my child out of this situation, but then this is just my opinion! Sometimes I feel that ongoing bullying like this could cause more long term upsets than removing your son from this place, kids are really adaptable and there's no reason your little one can't continue to see the good friends he's already made...just my opinion, whatever you do tho I hope things work out well for you all.
sylvi

I feel for you, my eldest has had some problems in the past in the UK, and it is awful to feel so helpless. It is easy to say, but I think if I encountered it again in a serious way, I would definately consider removing him from the environment, from my experience, it never gets better even when teachers are interested in trying to stop it, indeed I heard the other day from friends, the boy my son had problems with is still causing the same problems but with other kids - at least we are no longer there.

That said, changing environment could encounter the same problem, as bullies tend to be everywhere in life, your other option is just teach him coping strategies if you think he is best staying there for now.

Would your son give him a great kick back? that might stop the bully in his tracks.

Could you have a quiet word in the ear of this boy? seems more acceptable here in oz than the UK.

Also what does your son think in this - is he happy to put up with it for the next 6 months till you move?

Do you know where you are moving to? could you get him in a kindy near there?

Hope you get something sorted, it is an awful situation to be in.

I'd go with that as well. He's only 4, if he's coped with a move to the other side of the world, he'll cope with a couple of school moves. Lots of Aussie kids seem to drop in and out of school as the parents move suburbs and its not difficult to make friends at that age. You say he's got some good friends at the kindy? Removing him from a bad situation won't stop visits to your house for tea ect.

I've had a very bad situation for the first 7 months of this year with my 14 year old which resulted in me threatening the school with the Police and the Media and eventually removing her from the school. Schools here have all these marvelous policies against bullying but when push comes to shove, do nothing about it.

Have a look round the kindys in the area you want to move to and put him somewhere else for next term. By the time he goes back after the holidays he could be ready for a new adventure.

jo

Hi Samantha,
Of course your little boy isn't going to want to tell, if he's being hurt for no reason. I completely agree with what everyone has said about making a formal complaint.

I'm a primary school teacher and something I have used with children who feel they are being threatened and can't or won't verbalize it is a little handsize laminated card with a sad face (or whatever you want). Your son could have it in his bag or have access to it elsewhere. Perhaps your son might feel comfortable to give it to a member of staff or put it in a certain pre-decided place if he has been hurt verbally or physically. He might not have the confidence to explain what has happened there and then - he might want want to wait until you come to pick him up or there might be one member of staff he is happy to talk to in this situation. Either way, he has a strategy to flag up a problem on the day it happens and as long as you discuss this in advance with them and your son, then your son has steps to follow and they have to react to it. Wouldn't you think that they could have devised some sort of strategy themselves? Your son has to feel safe and has to feel that the adults at kindy are there to look after his welfare.

You shouldn't have to take your son out of this kindy - but they are accountable and if you go down this route - they haven't an excuse.

Good luck

Hi
Firstly can we thank everyone who has replied to this post. It's sad that so many kids have to go through being bullied and what still makes us angry is the inactivity of the Kindy staff. It's staggering how many people are affected by bullying in todays society.
We've spoken to DECS today and their advice was clear - the child in question needs an Ed Psych referral urgently. We're going to speak to the staff on Monday and see what happens - yet again...
We have already spoken to a few parents that I chat to "at the school gate" about this - one of whom was in the same situation as I was - the problem is that the kid quite clearly comes from a background were violence against others is tolerated - we've seen other examples of inappropriate behaviour so approaching the parents directly sadly isn't an option.
Tempting though it is to move him out of the Kindy we really don't want to disrupt him again prior to going to school. Also don't want him to "run away" from the problem.
Wendy - really sorry to hear about what your child is going through - can't believe the other child still gets the end of term treats - baffling! Not sure what sort of message that school is sending out to others.
Elaine - I agree with every word you have said - it's really hard watching him go in on the days in question as he is so shy and promises he will tell but is so scared he won't actually do it as he's terrified about what the boy will do.
Thanks again everyone for your advice - genuinely appreciated.

How embarrased will i be if i get a call to my sons kindy on monday !!! :doh:
only joking ... Glad things look like their being sorted for you. :sign03:

No child should have to experience something like this.

I read this quote quite a while back and it's somehow stuck in my head:


"We cannot decide, once and for all, whether it is parents, teachers, counsellors, psychologists, family courts, judges, or whatever, who know what is best for children. In important matters, nobody can know better than the child himself. You don't have to be very old or very smart to know your friends from your enemies, to know when people dislike you, are cruel to you, and hurt you. Any five-year-old knows the difference between a mean teacher and a nice one and is smart enough to want to get away from the mean one."


At the end of the day your child is having to suffer and in my opinion that is far more important that any of the benefits he is getting there.

Is there any way you could teach him yourself until you can get him started at the new Kindy?

Jo