A field of splendid green
Endlessly stretching to all ends
Dotted with small, white flowers
White capped mountains in the distance
Lazy clouds drifting overhead, the sent of rain
All of nature's beauty
Arranged in the most perfect order
Could never compare to yours
Had you no brains, no soul
Only your beauty
I would have just as easily
Fallen for you
But your beauty is least of your assets
Though our love has not been easy
It has been....


And I stoped there, overwhelmed by the complete and utter crap that is that poem. Please, I need some tips on where to go with this (if such a thing is posiable) or someone to tell me to crumble it up and start over again....

ok... this is way better, but its not the deep love poem I want....

My little neko girl
perched on a pillow
sighing like a willow.

Why do you sigh
my precious love
why do you look for help above?

She smilled at me
but said not a thing
and at me, a pillow she did fling.

To my head
it had impact
And for a second, I thought it had cracked.

I lunged at her
and pulled her ear
she looked upon me with cheer.

She clossed her eyes
and wrapped her arms
around me, using all her charms

I laughed
and we fell asleep
and my heart forever she keeps

K, I'm alive again.

Ah, I'm not much for lovey poems. And the second one, I believe, is better than the first. The only thing I could say to fine tune the second poem.. Is, in the second paragraph, not to put Why as the beginning word 2 times.

so instead of:
Why do you sigh
my precious love
why do you look for help above?

Knock off the second 'why do you' so it's just ''do you look for help above' or change it to 'look towards me, not for help above'.

The first poem, while I enjoyed the beginning, just sorta completely dove into the 'love for you' aspect. That's why it got sorta slow at the end. It was all, "nature, flowers, rain, love, dusk, love, love, love, love, loving, love love" etc.. and lost it's theme in the last few loves. heh... Hope I'm making sense. My tip - throw more metaphors and such of relating the beauty of nature and all around delicously cute things to how cute whomever you're talking about is. Feel free to stray away from nature and go into chocolates, candies, songs, colors, and maybe end it with how your heart is stronger for her than all things you find beautiful or lovely combined.

Heh.. hope that helps.