First off: Best. Song. Ever. XD "Big-Ass Rock" from The Full Monty. Lyrics are here:

"Let's find a rock
I mean a big-ass rock
Or maybe something like
A cinder block is better
I'll hoist it up
And drop it on your face, my buddy

And just before the lights go out
You'll see my smile and you'll know
You've got a friend
With a rock
Who cares
I mean a big-ass rock

Or rope
I got some quality rope
Made for a man who's devoid of hope
Like you are, my buddy
Michael -

Unh, that's Malcolm.

Malcolm. Right!

And I won't leave you swinging there
Twitching like a fish while you claw the air
I'll grab your feet
And pal o' mine
I'll pull real hard
And snap your spinal cord

The world is cold whn you're alone and
They ignore you
But don't kill yourself

We'll do it for you
You've got a friend

You know, I asked a guy once if he'd mind putting me in a barrel
and sending me over the falls.
You know what the son of a bitch said? "Drop dead, asshole."

People are pricks. I asked this guy to take his air compressor
and drill me with a six-inch nail right through the eye...

What'd he say?

"I'm low on nails."

People are selfish pricks.

Another time, now get this,
I just lay down in front of a steam roller and asked the guy just to proceed,
you know, business as usual, and just squash me like a bug.

That's a good way to go, Jer, the ol' bug squash.
We could tie a plastic laundry bag over his head.

Naw, that's such a wimp suicide.

I stuck my finger in a socket once. It hurt real bad...but it didn't kill me.

Malcolm, stay out of this.

I've got a friend
Like Carole King
Or was it Carly Simon
Used to sing?
I always get those two confused
But anyway -

I turned around
And suddenly
I'm not alone
It ain't just me
I'm like a player on the team
I'm part of the gang...
A member of the club Jerry & Dave
Player on our team
Part of the gang
Welcome to the club

Oo ... let's get a club

I like the big-ass rock

Naw, one good swing and
I'll clean his clock forever

Let gravity do the work!

It's a man's way to die, Mikey.

Malcolm!

I got friends

Oo...
I've got friends

Oo...

Friends who will
Love you like a maniac
And lead you like a lamb
To the railroad track
And tie you down

Or tickle your wrist
With a single-edge razor
Or buy you a beer with
A Draino chaser
Or dump you in the
River with a rock

A big-ass rock

Here's a nice one right over here

Can I give you a hand with that? It looks heavy.

No Dave
It's ain't heavy...he's my friend

Come on, group hug."

Second off: this video is absolutely hysterical. *giggle*