I went to a dance last week. It's called homecoming, and here in America it's a dance that usually follows a school's football game against another school. I started preparing a couple weeks beforehand, and over that period of time I went shopping for a dress, shoes, purse, press-on nails, make-up, and all the things we girls use to make ourselves look pretty. So much preparation, when really, you wouldn't think that much effort went into preparing for one dance. The only thing I didn't try hard to get? A date.

I don't know why. I guess I didn't see it as that important. I think I just feared the work of findng one. I feared the up-down roller coaster of hope and disappointment, and all the worry and fret involved. If I made it important, a priority, I would be disappointed if I didn't find one. So I didn't even try.

And I didn't fret or worry, for the most part. At least, not about finding a date. That was a good thing. I went without one, with the firm opinion that it was perfectly fine. I took a female friend instead, because she went to another school and she needed me to buy her a ticket to get in. She happened to go dateless as well. The two of us went with another friend and her boyfriend, making four of us.

Toward the middle of the dance a slow song came on. Every couple started to pair up, and everyone who didn't have a date left the dance floor. I was just standing there looking around at all the couples dancing, and that's when I realized...

I've never had a boyfriend.

I'm seventeen, and I've never dated. Maybe that doesn't sound very strange, but I've never had any conscious reasons for not dating, no religious reasons, no parental rules, no dislike of men. No takers is the best reason I haven't dated, that and I don't really like casual dating. Judging by how many ugly, mean, rude and obnoxious people get dates, it seems like a fairly even playing field... So what's up? If my desire is there (not an over-eagerness, but a simple, honest desire), and I've done my best to make myself as presentable and attractive as I can, what am I doing wrong?

I think it might be that I'm not very talkative. I may not be shy or quiet, but I'm also not a chatterbox. A lot of the time I find chit-chat tedious. I don't know what to say, and I figure the other person isn't that interested anyway.

Thing is, I'm not picky. What do I want in a man? Compassion. Affection. Intelligence. Honesty. I want him to love me as much as I love him. He also has to have good teeth and smell nice. That's all.

I have a friend who's critical of everything. I've known her for something like twelve years, and we've been friends for all that time. She's the one who brought her boyfriend to the dance last week. Almost three years ago she met a guy at her church group and started dating him. They've been together, with no break-ups or hang-ups, ever since. In grade school I used to think that because she's overly critical of everything, she would have a harder time than I did finding a boyfriend. Obviously, that's not true. She's leagues ahead of me. I think it's because she's a chatterbox. She almost always has something to say, a joke or a story, and she's very astute.

But I'm still wondering, why am I so far behind? What am I doing wrong that's causing potential takers to steer clear? What is so odd or strange about me that I've never dated, kissed, held hands or slow-danced with a guy, even though all my friends do those things as though they come as second nature to them??? Is there anything so wrong with me that I can't get ONE date? Admittedly, I'm not so eager that I've ever asked a guy out, asked for his number, called him up or endeavored to go on a date with him. Not that I've never WANTED to go on a date. I've just... never really known how to go about it. I'm not forward, and I think I tend to withdraw and wait to be called on, without meaning to. Does that make me horribly shy? Hell, I've seen shy guys and girls get dates.

It's just... FRUSTRATION.

Beh. I have better things to be thinking about. It seems pretty silly. But one thing is for sure, there's a wide gap between what my friends have done in the dating field and what I've done. Almost ALL my friends have dated, and I've never even exchanged phone numbers with a guy. Anybody else as baffled, flummoxed, confused and... admittedly, worried as I am? Worried there's something wrong with them, or that they're never going to get married or reproduce???

That's a silly thought. But I'm honestly worried. I'm not consciously picky. I don't talk a lot - I don't know what to say. It's hard to meet guys in class, and I don't go to church or do any kind of extracurricular activities, so that's probably another reason I can't find a guy. Maybe in college I'll start dating. Anyway, my point is, can someone please give me tips or advice on dating, flirting, etc???

This post will most likely not help you out at all. I just jave to say that I am in the same boat as you... well, in a way. I've never had what you could call a boyfriend. I'm rather introverted, and I sort of withdraw and wait, like you said. I've never asked a fella for his phone number or anything like that. (I think the most I've ever done is return a phone call of a boy who called me first..) When I like someone, my friends are generally the ones to go forth and spread the news. And I am, admittedly, as confused and worried as you are. I fret about never getting married because I've gone thus far without an actual boyfriend.

The only relationship I've ever had was (as you most likely are aware of) with Dannee. But there is a difference to boys and girls.

I don't talk, like you. I too find myself not one to be one to always have a story or something like that to talk about. /And/ the people I tend to like are shy people, who aren't ones to ask me out either.

So yeah... I know that didn't help you, like at all. But I just thought you should know that you aren't alone. :3

That helps a lot Alex. Thank you for your input. ^^ *snug*

Yep. I don't really have any advice, either, but yeah. I'm flummoxed, too. xD Er, but scratch the part about reproducing for me... that's not really an issue here. xD

We should start a Feeling Undesired club! :D ... T_T; xD

Well, I desire all of you. Excuse exhausted, slightly hungover City, but I do. So... schmu. :animesmile:

Thanks City, but I don't think you'll be marrying any of us. xD <3

Psh. Shows what you know!

xD No really, probably not. But some wonderful guy (girl?) will. No worries. <3

There is asboloutley nothing wrong with you- You just have to be confident in yourself, and put yourself out there a bit more. Go out with your friends to popular guy hang-outs, etc. Don't go out every day with the intention of finding your life partner- the really important thing to remember is that you have to have fun. Go at your own pace and really enjoy yourself. Don't withold yourself! You've got no reason to feel shy, you're beautiful and a wonderful person.

The thing boys like is not to be constantly flirted with. It seems to sort of wind them up more than entice them. If they can talk to you, and have a laugh with you, and you're affectionate, you're in there. It doesn't take much. xD

My advice; Don't panic if things aren't happening right now. They will, but you can't just sit around and expect them to. Have fun, and enjoy yourself taking your pick from the cute guys who will soon be surrounding you. : )