I gotta hand it to my friends, I get some of the best most original and the most down right hilarious email forwards from them. It seemed people liked that last one about the bible, so heres one that is about lawyers, enjoy :D

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

>Q: Are you sexually active?
>A: No, I just lie there. (can be my ex, we haven't even gone to court yet)

>Q: What is your date of birth?
>A: July 18th.
>Q: What year?
>A: Every year.

>Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

>Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
>A: Yes.
>Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>A: I forget.
>Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
>
>Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
>A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
>Q: How long has he lived with you?
>A: Forty-five years.

>Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
>A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>Q: And why did that upset you?
>A: My name is Susan.

>Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
>A: We both do.
>Q: Voodoo?
>A: We do.
>Q: You do?
>A: Yes, voodoo.

>Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

>Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

>Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

>Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
>A: Yes.
>Q: And what were you doing at that time?

>Q: She had three children, right?
>A: Yes.
>Q: How many were boys?
>A: None.
>Q: Were there any girls?

>Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
>A: By death.
>Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

>Q: Can you describe the individual?
>A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>Q: Was this a male, or a female?

>Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
>A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

>Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
>A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

>Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

>Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
>A: No.
>Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
>A: No.
>Q: Did you check for breathing?
>A: No.
>Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
>A: No.
>Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
>A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

OMG that is the most halarious thing i've heard all day!!!

those are some of the greatest quips I have ever heard, I actually needed a use for the word quip today but yes those are awsome particularly the last one.

man thats funny...:D

well, i didn't laugh as much as them, but it was still pretty good.

No funny :(

HAH!

That was great. =)

quoted for truth.

I actually found it pretty funny lol.

Thanks, I obviously thought it was funny or I wouldn't have gone through the trouble of creating this topic, but whatever, I guess it doesn't appeal to everyone's sense of humor

i didn't think they were to bad, i give them a total rating of ok

:lol: those were good, post some more if you have some