Hey this is a short insert of a fight, tell me what you think.

Rod = Weapon which could change into anything but only once a day.

Nick stood there, telling himself there was no way he would make it. Then he felt a strong hold around his stomach and then “woof” he was atleast fifty feet in the air while the dragon glided past the spot where he was just at. Soon after he landed on the floor, he turned to his savor. It was Peter but how did he jump like that was all Nick was thinking.
Nick looked to his legs to see them yellow and black long boots. They seemed old style kind of cowboy dressing but they were on tightly so there was no way they where coming off. Nick didn’t have time to comment anymore cause the dragon was coming back for second rounds.
Peter grabbed Nick by the stomach again and was ready for lift off. “Hold on tight!” Peter yelled and as soon as the dragon got close Peter jumped forward. They made it all the way past the body of the dragon but the tail of the dragon came swooping up. It missed Nick by an inch but got Peter by the leg, taking a piece of his pants and skin with him. When Peter landed he leg go of Nick and rolled over to hide behind a pillar. Nick crawled behind one as well and looked to his sides to see both Marshall and Fred hiding aswell. The dragon stopped at the end of the opposite hall and looked at the kids hide.
“A dragon! A dragon!” was all Nick could say. The other where talking amongst themselves. “Guys what do we do?” Nick asked and Fred who was the closest to him on his right began to talk.
“Well now that you’re here we can take this big boy out. It’s weakness is it’s heart as stated by Peter here.” Said Fred and they all gave a look to Peter. “All we have to do is this. First Peter goes behind me then Marshall shoots…” Nick took a look to see Marshall transformed his Rod into a Gun. “Then Peter will get me to get on top of the beast I will use a metal hand to try and hurt it. Last Nick you need to change your Rod into a Scale Spear.” Fred finished and Nick only got half of it.
“So first it’s Mike to distract, then Peter gets you on there, you distract it, I run in and stab it where?” Asked Nick. They where interrupted by a huge way of fire which missed them by mere inches.
Peter jumped in quick. “Concentrate and make your spear into a Scalden pear. It’s the only spear able to break threw a dragon’s tuff skin.” Peter finished and all four boys where welcomed by another wave of fire.
“I got it!” Shouted Nick and grabbed his Rod. He stood there trying to block out all sound. He pictured the spear easily then slowly changed it into a Scalden Spear. The tip changed into a diamond sharp tip and the rest of it into almost an icy kind of spear. The hands of the holder were covered with the ice so that the Spear couldn’t dropped.
A light exploded from Nick’s Rod and the Scalden Spear was completed. It looked beautiful in his mind but even better to see it up close. The celebration was interrupted by the shaking ground. The dragon was on his move but so was Marshall.
Marshall ducked out from the pillar and began to shoot. He wasn’t the best aimer after all but a few good shots to the eyes got the dragon to jerk it’s long neck back and screech. Now it was Peter’s and Fred’s part and they put it into action.
Once Peter grabbed Fred he changed his hands into metal. Fred was ready for a hard strike once landing on the dragon. The dragon tried to wipe the bullets out of it’s eyes while Peter made the jump. Peter just got over the dragon and let go of Fred.
Fred came down crashing, fist first, into the dragons back. This time it wasn’t a screech but more like a yell from a huge beast. Nick stood there as the beast moaned. “NICK GO!” Yelled Marshall and Nick darted into the battle. He was pretty far but he had a good chance to make it. Nick pulled back his spear ready to impale the beast when Carl jumped in the way. Nick stopped and slipped falling back first to the ground. Fred was knocked off the dragon and skid close to Nick.

Scores are in, check it out!!!

Insert One -

Ages - Scores

12 - 9
14 - 8/8
15 - 8.5
16 - 9/8/8/9.5
17 - 7/7
18 - 8/8/8/7/9.5
19 - 7
21 - 8
26 - 8

Some comments -

"Impressive, i like the whole planning part"
"It's like a turn based idea of a RPG, i like."
"Besides the typos it's quite good, keep it up."
"Yeah well what the hell!? where is the rest!?"
"Nice job"
"Nice but don't force dialog" *Thanks for advice :)*

Any comments you guys want to add on please do, add your age and your score please in the post.

2nd Insert - I am choosing Three that might get different attention...More action for all you action fans. *Please excuse any spelling mistakes.*

Beeper - To start a mission


Fred was ready with his plan. He put his right hand behind his back, rod in it, and looked up at the wolf. This was a life or death plan but Fred was ready for it. He closed his eyes to think about his weapon and then opened his eyes to feel the rod took shape of a 9 mil gun.
Once he had a grip on the gun he looked up to the stalking wolf and began his plan. “You ugly bastard come get me.” Fred screamed and began walking on the grass towards the house. The wolf slowly began crawling towards the edge still thinking he had the advantage. When Fred was almost completely under the house the werewolf was on, it attacked.
With quick speed Fred Jumped to the side and the wolf landed on his feet with another heavy impact. This time though Fred was ready and he swung his gun out and pointed to the monster. With a few quick tugs on the trigger bullets were flying and hitting the creature dead in the stomach and chest. Once Fred landed on the ground he kept pulling the tripper till the monster fell.
Once the werewolf was lying on the ground Fred kept an eye on it. It wasn’t moving or breathing. It just lied their while Fred slowly got up. It worked, he was successful. He got up but made sure he held on to the gun just incase. He walked over to the creature and put a smirk on. “You ugly son of a #####.” Said Fred while staring at the corpse.
He went to go touch the finish button on his beeper but he was taking by surprise. The thing had been playing dead and was already leaping towards Fred before he had a chance to raise the gun. It then landed right next to him and grabbed both his arms to make sure no more sneak attacks.
Then it opened it’s mouth, saliva everywhere, and went for the bite. He got a full shoulder before biting in. The pain was unbearable and Fred instantly Screamed. Blood was flying everywhere. It was already gushing out before the wolf released it’s jaws.
Blood fell to the ground as Fred slowly fell. Once hitting the ground the wolf howled in victory and moved back a few steps. Fred eyes were wide open in shock and his left arm holding the bitten right bloody arm. The grass was now shades of red and green. Blood was still gushing out and leaking all the way onto the sidewalk. Fred just held tightly and began to loss his conscious. The wolf kept howling at the night in victory as Fred laid their eyes flicking. Fred thought of only one thing as his everything was going black. “to…soon…” He said very lowly and then everything went pitch black.

Insert Two Scores -

12 - 10
14 - 9
15 - 9
16 - 7.5/8/9.5
17 - 7/6
18 - 9.5
21 - 8
26 - 9

"Your writing is different, i feel like you add somthing other writer's today can't."
"I liked him trying to think and fight at the same time.."
"Rod's was a kick ass idea man."
"OUCH"
"I hope he doesn't die."
"Oh #### he is defently deaed."

Well here is the 3rd and final Insert, my fav. One so far. Sorry for the spelling and Grammer mistakes once again, enjoy and thanks for reading.
*If positive i may put one more.*

Fred stood there while the rock began to form. It’s legs where the first to make an appearance and soon after a small horn grew out of it’s head. The rock’s that formed the body became more rigged and a small tail formed on the opposite side of the horn. The last thing to show was the beast eyes. The opened to show dark red eyes, it was a Rockus.
Fred slowly backed away and moved to the side as the beast shook itself off. He looked for an environment advantage but all there where was rocks. The situation got worse once the thing inexpertly charged at him. With a smash to the rips and it’s horn entering his body Fred let out a bloody scream.
Fred feel to the floor while the Rockus pulled it’s horn out. The Rockus jumped on him, little feet where made of stone, which crushed his arms and stomach. As the agony continued Fred could only scream. The pounding stone feet came slamming into Fred.
Fred manages to push the creature off by turning over and rolled a few more times to escape. There was no time for him as the beast already was charging. He was hit dead on with the side of the Rockus to his left leg making him fall over on his right arm. Fred’s pain was nothing short of killer but the beast reaction was to attack even harder.
Once Fred was up again the beast attacked the same way except from the back, this time attacking the left leg. He was easily lifted off the ground and with a bone crushing crash he fell to the ground. A tiny wrinkle of blood began crawling down his chin.
Fred’s emotions where mixed. He was mad, hurt, but sad. He was mad at the creature, he was hurting all over, and sad for not living up to Carl’s expectations. All that didn’t matter cause the beast slammed into the side of the lying Fred.
Fred swore he felt a rib really crack as the beast jammed it’s side into him. The beast then lifted it’s head and dove in for the kill. Fred rolled just as the horn came flying down. The horn was stuck into the ground as Fred pushed himself up. Once up he grabbed his rod with his weak hands, almost dropping it, then thought of a weapon quickly. Remembering what Marshall told him about his own fight with a Rockus he concentrated for a metal arm.
The Rockus finally got it’s horn out and after a quick roar tried to charge again. This time though Fred threw his right hand out and caught the creature by the face. “Not so fast little guy.” He said now with the bloody mouth. He picked it up by the horn and threw it a few feet to let it slam onto the ground. The new arm gave Fred enough strength to easily handle the monster.
The monster got up, growled, and lunched itself again. Fred was surprised that a fat little rock monster had so much speed. Fred pulled his hand back as the creature darted towards him. Then seconds before the creature’s strike Fred threw his metal fist forward. The creature’s head impacted with his fist, sending it smashing to the ground motionless.

Insert 3!!!

Ratings -

12 - 6.5
16 - 9
18 - 8.5

Comments -
"Nice Job On Detail."
"Kinda bored me"
"I like the rock creature, so cool"

Insert 4 - I'ma put five up but this one is one of my favs.


Enjoy! :)

Nick covered his ears as the alarm kept on ringing. The Fake now was back on its feet and prepared to attack. Nick was aware of the creatures attempt to attack so he made sure he had a tight grip on his spear. The fake dove in for a tackle but received a hit in the face by the spear. As it fell back it rolled over before its face made contact with the ground. He pushed himself back up wiping the little blood from its mouth.
“What do they name you creatures again? I remember reading about you copycat things.” Nick was screaming over the alarm. The Fake looked at him, pointed, and then broke out laughing. Nick was puzzled by the sudden laughter. “What is so goddamn funny!?” Nick screamed. The alarm finally stopped as did the laughing fake.
“Why are you so angry little Nicky?” Said the fake now sounding like a little kid. “Is it because I am just a boy?” He said smiling. “Or is it cause I could kill you!” the voice now sound more devilish.
Nick steered at the creature with such confusing. It could mask any voice and look like anything. “Well now I know what you are. A Litho is that correct?” Asked Nick. The Litho’s face went from a huge smile to an angry face. “A copier is what you are. Your true form is a blank shape of what you copied last isn’t it?” Nick was now angering the Litho. “How dare you copy one of my friends! I’ll make you pay double for that!” He roared as he made the first move.
The Litho didn’t have time to react as the spear made it’s way towards it’s stomach. The spear made contact with the stomach as soon as the Litho was ready to make an escape. It went threw it with ease and came out the other side with blood splattering the side walk. The thing made a terrible echoing scream that made Nick’s ears almost bleed.
“How dare you!” It screamed as his fist made way towards Nick. Nick quickly responded with a grab and an elbow the Litho’s face. Nick wasn’t having any trouble fending off the Litho but it was beginning to get annoying with the screeches after each shot to the face. Nick slid the spear out as he kicked away from the Litho. He rolled backwards and back up to his feet, spear ready.
The Litho was already in pain as it held its bloody stomach. The blood dripped threw like water and made its way threw the cracks in the street. Nick had the sure victory in his hand until someone began walking down the street. The Litho took a good look at her, smiled and ran towards her. Nick didn’t have a choice but to try and stop him. Even though Nick overpowered him his speed from the Litho wasn’t any difference and since it had the head start it would reach her first.
Nick concentrated as he kept running towards him for an even stronger spear. Something that would overpower the monster but couldn’t get a picture in his mind. Then as the Litho was only a few feet away from the victim he got a mental picture. The spear grew and changed into a spear gun.
It was extremely heavy, over fifty pounds but after all the training Nick wasn’t going down. He took aim for the creatures head not sure how he would do while running so he stopped. He had a clear shot and took it. The spear flew threw the air with speed as fast as sports cars and into the creatures right shoulder. The blood sprayed everywhere but the women walked right past the frozen creature and was heading towards Nick.
Nick let out a breath. “Close one.” He said while smiling. When saving a life it was a special feeling. Next thing he knew the beast was already pulling the spear out. Nick looked as the Litho struggled with the long injected spear. It was finally able to rip it out but not without taking a huge chuck of its arm with him.
It turned, eye bloody red, and ran towards the girl once again. Nick didn’t have any weapon but he wasn’t about to let some incest person be killed again. He ran towards the girl while she was looking straight at him but invisible to her eyes. She had the music in her ears so if the thing where to attack she die before knowing. The Litho was only mere feet away but so was Nick.

Scores for Insert 4!!! -

16 - 8/9