First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that's vanity?
Second girl: No, it's imagination.

What did Rita say to Katrina?


I will show you that I'm the bigger storm!


How doe's hurricane Andrew Feel about hurricane Katrina?


Darn It I was beat....

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that
> in
> Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as
> either masculine
> or
> feminine.
>
> ''House'' for instance, is feminine: ''la casa.''
> ''Pencil,'' however, is masculine: "el lapiz.''
> A student asked, ''What gender is 'computer'?''
>
> Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the
> class into two
> groups,
> male and female, and asked them to decide for
> themselves whether
> ''computer'' should be a masculine or a feminine
> noun.
>
> Each group was asked to give four reasons for its
> recommendation.
>
> The men's group decided that ''computer'' should
> definitely be of
> the
> feminine gender (''la computadora''), because:
>
> 1. No one but their creator understands their
> internal logic;
>
> 2. The native language they use to communicate with
> other computers
> is
> incomprehensible to everyone else;
>
> 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long
> term memory for
> possible
> later retrieval; and
>
> 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you
> find yourself
> spending half
> your paycheck on accessories for it.
>
> (THIS GETS BETTER!)
>
> The women's group, however, concluded that
> computers should be
> Masculine
> (''el computador''), because:
>
> 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to
> turn them on;
>
> 2. They have a lot of data but still can't think
> for themselves;
>
> 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems,
> but half the time
> they ARE
> the problem; and
>
> 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that
> if you had waited
> a little
> longer, you could have gotten a better model.
>
>
> The women won

:silly:

Too funny.............


ROLF)

A couple of games...........this first one is driving me off the wall................ :D

http://www.ripleys.com/games/iq.html

http://www.ripleys.com/dialup/games.html


something for golfers...............


http://www.widmer.com/games/golfgame.html

:D

Roger was sitting in a very full bus when a fat woman opposite said, "If you were a gentleman, young man, you'd stand up and let someone else sit down." "And if you were a lady," replied Roger, "you'd stand up and let four people sit down."

The seven-year old girl told her mom, "A boy in my class asked me to play doctor."
"Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?"
"Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company."

A man standing at a bus stop was eating a hamburger. Next to him stood a lady with her little dog, which became very excited at the smell of the man's supper and began whining and jumping up at him. "Do you mind if I throw him a bit?" said the man to the lady. "Not at all," she replied, whereupon the man picked the dog up and threw it over a wall.

Wow rainstorm that was a good one :silly:

A man was walking along a beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it and out popped a genie.

The genie said "You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick.

"Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete! How much steel! You're going to have to think of another wish."

The man agreed, and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment. I want to figure out why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing', and know how to make them truly happy."

The genie paused for a while and said, "How many lanes do you want on that bridge?"

Sweet,,,,, :silly: ROLF)

Good jokes rainstorm....Keep up the good work :silly:

OUESTION: What is cosmetics?
ANSWER: Cosmetics is a woman's means for keeping a man from reading between the lines.

A few women were discussing diet tips. When it was mentioned that getting enough exercise and sleep were just as important as watching food intake, one woman responded with surprise that sleep was a factor. Another replied: "Of course sleep is a factor. The only time I'm not eating is when I'm sleeping!"

Hehehe rainstorm!!!


A man was walking down the street early this morning after buying a sand witch from a store. He looked down after he took the first bite of that sandwitch. To his suprize he found his sandwitch was made out of hair. He went back to the store in asked the man why is this sandwitch is made out of hair? The guy then said I thought you wented hair sand witch. No the man said, I was trying to fix my hair because it was getting in the way.


:lol:

lol!!

It was their first date, and she'd shown the patience of a saint as he babbled on and on about his hobbies, his pet peeves, his driving techniques, and even the standards he used to choose his barber.
Finally, he came up for air and said, "But enough about me. Let's talk about you."
She breathed a sigh of relief.
He went on, "What do you think about me?"

Two Old Men were sitting on a bench at the Park, remembering the good old days when a beautiful Blonde lady walked by in front of them. After she had passed, One Old Man asked the other, "have you ever slept with a Blonde"?

The other replied, "sure have, quite a few infact".

They contiued to chat about their youth for a while, when a gorgeous Brunette strolled on by. After she had passed, as they were quite respectful Gents, The same Old Man asked the other, "have you ever slept with a Brunette"?

His reply was, "yes indeed dear friend, several as a matter of fact".

Their thoughts and memories continued on for a while when along came a stunning Redhead walking in front of them. The one Old Man waited until she got out of ear shot and asked his friend, "have you ever slept with a Redhead"?

The other Old Man replied with a grin, "Not a Wink".......... :rolleyes: :D

A guy who lived on a lake had recently retired and just loved to go fishing. So every morning he would jump in his boat and motor out to the middle of the lake a fish to his hearts content.

One morning he wasn't feeling very well and decided not to go out. His wife came by and said that she would like to take the boat out and read her book in the peace and quite of the lake, and he said "sure I am just going to rest, anyway".

So off she went to the middle of the lake and dropped anchor. After a while a Fish and Game Warden motored up and asked her for her fishing license.

She said she didn't have one and that she wasn't fishing, she was just reading a book.

The Warden pointed in the boat and, "you have all the equipment there, how do I know that when I leave you won't start to fish"?

She said "I don't fish, I am just here reading a book", and the Warden replied that he would have to write her a ticket anyway.

The lady said, "then I'll accuse you of rape". The Warden stopped and said, "but lady, I am not even near you, I haven't touched you".

"Well", she said, "you have all the equipment there and".......

The Warden started his engine and motored away.... :silly: :silly: ;)

LOL


:silly:

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
"Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" She bundled him in the closet stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet.
"Who are you?" he asked him.
"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.
"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.
"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied.
"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards."

Train

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket." The man leans out, with a glint in his eye, and says "I've got a better idea... let's pretend we're married." "Why not," giggles the woman.
"Good," he replies. "Get your own damn blanket."

and that is supposed to be a Joke???,,, Seems to me that you are bashing the concept of Marriage... I don't find that funny at all.... :blink:

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady walked up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady walked between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."

Janet: What's the difference between a cake and a school bus ?
Jill: I don't know.
Janet: I'm glad I didn't send you to pick up my birthday cake !

Now this is awesome,,, ROLF) ROLF) :silly: :silly:

This is my favorite joke! Knock Knock
Who's there
Dustin
Dustin who
Dustin up your room
I came up with that joke!

awesome!!

thank you rainstorm! Do you think it is funny?

A bus driver was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful he began to cry.

A woman driving down the highway saw the bus driver crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidently hit this rabbit and killed it."

The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 feet away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two again, hopped down the road another 50 feet, turned, waved, and hopped another 50 feet. The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can! He ran over to the woman and demanded, " What was in your spray can? What did you spray onto that rabbit?" The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said:

"'Hare Spray' Restores Life to Dead Hare. Adds Permanent Wave."

A monster went to the doctor with a branch growing out of his head.
"Hmmm," said the doctor. "I've no idea what it is."
The next week the branch was covered in leaves and blossom.
"I'm stumped," said the doctor, "but you can try taking these pills."
When the monster came back a month later the branch had grown into a tree, and just a few weeks later he developed a small pond, surrounded by trees and bushes, all of them on top of his head.
"Ah!" said the doctor, "I know what it is. You've got a beauty spot."

Which villains steal soap from the bath?
Robber ducks.

I need to print out this whole page! These jokes rock Rainstorm!

A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travel
bag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed to
stuff it in the overhead bin. "Do you always carry such heavy luggage?"
she sighed.
"No more," the man said. "Next time, I'm riding in the bag, and my
partner can buy the ticket!"

A man walked into a car dealership and spotted the car of his Dreams. He walked over to inspect it. As he bent over to feel the fine leather upholstery, he broke wind. Embarrassed, he looked around nervously to see if anyone was nearby. A salesman approached and said, "Good day sir, how may I help you today"?

The Man asked, "What is the price of this car"?
The salesman answered, "Frankly sir, I'd rather not say".

The man replied, "Why not"?

The salesman said, "Well, Sir, if you farted just touching it, you're going to sh!t when you hear the Price"..... :silly: :P

lol!!

Well, a man was driving down a country road, and he decided to get out and get some fresh air.

He got out, and started walking in a meadow. As he walked, he came upon a hole. Wanting to see how deep it was, he threw a pebble down. No sound. So he threw a medium-sized rock down. No sound.

The man started to get frustrated, so he threw a boulder down. No sound. As he searched about, he spotted a railroad beam. He hauled it over to the hole, and shoved it in. No sound.

He sat down on the ground, exhausted. Suddenly, he saw a goat running at him, full speed. He leaped up, and it brushed past him, and fell in the hole. He listened, but there was no sound.

He sat down again. A few minutes later, a farmer came walking up. The man asked him, "How deep is this hole?" The farmer said, "Oh. Thats the bottomless pit. It never ends. Say, have you seen my prize goat?"

The man, not wanting to get the blame, said, "No." The farmer said, "Oh well. He can't get far. He was tied to a railroad beam."

:rolleyes: :lol: OMGoodness,,,, ROLF)

Who stole the sheets from the bed?
Bed buglars.

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell's Angels' bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spat into the old man's milk and then he too took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.
Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress,
"Humph, not much of a man, was he?"
The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either, he just backed his big-rig over three motorcycles."